Someone Built A Time Machine And Takes Us Back To 1971 When Wrigley Beers Were $0.55

Alexa

Still

Nothing like a big milk and a cold beer to start the 12:30 p.m. double header on Sunday. Also a bit tied but very independent – I always really appreciate a glass of milk. It’s all about timing. Some people think milk is gross, but really, it all depends on the circumstances. Milk at a baseball game = disgusting. Milk and cookies = delicious. Don’t make me stress this very obvious point, and more importantly, don’t hate milk. Your mother’s pitchers deserve more respect.

Speaking of your mom, my dad was in high school in 1971. Back then, you could spend $20 on a nice jacket, box seats, and plenty left to swoon over a lukewarm old style. No wonder it’s been America’s pastime for so long. You could go to a game and indulge in all your vices casually and have it seen as socially acceptable. Where’s Uncle Frank? He’s such a huge baseball fan – he spends his entire salary on the team. Never miss a game and will surely die of lung/liver/skin cancer fusion. Oh that Uncle Frank really loves his Cubs.

Giphy pictures.

I haven’t smoked a heater in 6 weeks, which many of you don’t believe, but you should. Resist temptation with me now. Old movies attract me all the time. Cary Grant is smoking a cig and I instinctively need to join him. And save the surgeon general. There’s something about a black and white movie that makes me feel like smoking is healthy. As no one at the time of filming had a clue and as such the transitive property applies. A nice soft cigarette under the warm covers of the bed actually seems quite relaxing.

Either way, a dollar back then is worth about $7.36 now. As a kid, I first learned about the time value of money through candy bars. That snickers was a nickel when I was your age sparked an economic awakening in a young Barstool Carl. How could that be? 25 years later and I still capture that same admiration. Except now it’s with chills and going to Wrigley Field where it now averages about $330 for a family of 4 to sit with us upper deck heathens. (Scorecard not included.)

Nobody cares. We’re all screwed. Entertain yourself by offering the perfect $3.00 order from the 1971 Concessions:

– 2 old styles ($1.10)

– Ham Sandwich ($0.35)

– 2 dogs ($0.80)

– Big Peanut ($0.25)

– 1 Large Sausage Pizza

What is your order?